The past week has left me with the feeling of utter denial, something that meant so much to us that is now missing from our lives and theres a feeling of emptiness without it there.
My sweet baby kitten, Lola, no longer lives in our home but will forever live in our hearts. I know people may roll their eyes at the fact that,” she’s just a cat,” and I guess I can consider myself fortunate to not have experienced a traumatic loss such as my mother or father; but Lola meant so much to me.
I remember putting her in a box as a kitten and driving her all eight hours to college, holding onto her little paw the whole way because it seemed to be the only thing that comforted her.
I remember introducing her to our new home and making sure she was all settled in even before I was. I remember giving her seven baths to rid of all her kitty fleas.
I remember her always waiting until I got home from my colleges classes and giving me so much love when I came back. She always sat on my lap while I did my homework and she would look up at me ever so often with her big green eyes and beg for love.
She’d knock my pencils off my desk and always sit on the keys of my laptop and add jumbled letters to my writing because it was warm there.
I would talk to her all the time, like she was my little best friend, and she’d always meow back at me.
I remember moving her to another new home after another.
No matter where I sat, no matter where I slept, she would always be right by my side, no place else. And every single night I went to bed, she’d climb onto my side of the mattress and make herself comfortable, snuggled up right next to me, and there she’d stay all night until morning, it’d never fail. She would always be right there to keep my company, right there to comfort me and make me feel so loved and make me smile.
Whenever she was cold, she’d put her little nose on the entrance of the covers and meow until I opened up a place for her to cuddle inside.
Ricky would always say, “It’s crazy how much she loves you.”
I remember every time I made the bed, she’d jump in between the sheets and chase my every movement. She would always bathe in the sunshine, even if it was in the tiniest corner of a room and roll around in it… she loved it so much.
She had the quirkiest meow, I will never forget the sound of, and she used it all the time when she wanted love.
All it took was one rushed moment and we didn’t notice that she wasn’t with us until it was too late for her to still be waiting there.
Since we’ve lost her, we’ve parked in the same place, hoping one day she’ll she’ll find her way back to us. We’ve searched the forest several times a day and left ads on local groups and still nothing has come to us.
She was my sweet angel and she always will be.
To some, they’ll say, “she’s just a cat,” but to me, I feel as if I’ve lost a part of me, her soft white fur no longer snuggles me at every moment of the day. I’ve cried every day since she’s been away, waking up without her next to me and crying myself to sleep without her next to me once again, yet I always find myself leaving room for her.
So many times I’ve asked the universe why… If everything happens for a reason than why am I feeling so much sorrow?
But from this experience I have learned so much and I will love so much more.
To me, Lola means more than my little snuggle bug that I lost. Lola reminds me that no life is worth less than another, only the love that was shared. Lola reminds me to slow down and remember to pay attention to the little things that matter most.
To me, Lola means to love with all you can, while you can. Lola means that where love is spread, so are pieces of your heart.
Lola reminds me to always be gentle and always be sweet. Lola reminds me that love should always be most important.
But as I am challenged by the harsh lessons life has given me, Lola reminds me that I must be grateful for the three years her sweet heart has given me and not dwell on the time we have lost.
I cannot wait to snuggle you in the next life. ❤